


Misdirected Messages: A Saga

by Nellsie



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Dick Pics, Jeremy Heere Is a Furry, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-03-05 22:36:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13397718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nellsie/pseuds/Nellsie
Summary: See, Jeremy is only a few letters off from Jake or Jessica or Jackass, which all happen to be names saved in Richard Goranski’s phone.[vaguely nsfw? there's mention of dick pics and stuff so you know.]





	Misdirected Messages: A Saga

_1\. in which rich, the rascal he is, sends jeremy a photo of a personal nature._

Jeremy doesn’t exactly know how to feel about this, really. He kind of just keeps staring at the image before him, befuddled. This is because, only two days after they’ve begun referring to each other as “friends,” Rich has sent Jeremy a photo of his penis.

Even the Squip seems dumbfounded.

 _“I imagine he sent it on accident,”_  It muses,  _“Send him a message stating that you’re aware of this, and indicate that you don’t care too much.”_

See, that really would be the best thing to do. Jeremy should do that. It would be the easiest option. If only the second choice wasn’t so damn tempting.

 _“I’ve got this,”_  He thinks back at the Squip, quickly typing on the small digital keyboard. He does not got this, because he responds in perhaps the worst way possible. The Squip does not seem to process this until Jeremy hits send.

He has sent the sentence,  _‘not to be presumptuous, but you seem to have misplaced little richie.’_  to Rich, who has probably been referred to as  _little richie_  multiple times in his life, and has probably referred to his own penis as  _little richie_  at a similar rate.  _‘i will be filing a complaint with the local neighborhood watch. smh. who let something like that out of it’s enclosure?’_

The Squip immediately gets on Jeremy’s case about this,  _“Jeremiah, do you realize what you’ve done?”_  It asks,  _“How do you think Rich is going to respond? He’s never going to talk to you again, and your chances of becoming popular will diminish because the amount of friends that allow you to leech their popularity will be limited.”_

“It was funny,” Jeremy says, and he means to just think it at the Squip, but instead he’s said it aloud and it gets him thinking about his response which gets him laughing all over again. “It was  _really_ funny.”

 _“You have no concept of your own survival,”_  The Squip laments, or it would, if it had the capacity to lament. Instead it speaks in the same level, berating tone that it’s used since the beginning.

To be honest, of all things, Jeremy isn’t really worried about this. It’s not like he’s never seen Rich’s penis. They did have a long and terrible conversation while Rich was thrusting his hips into a urinal, at one point, and that led to Jeremy getting squipped and the two of them becoming friends, so.

Jeremy feels the phone buzz in his hand.

 

> _rich:_  
>  FUCK!!!!!!!!!!! THAT WAS MEANT FOR SOMEONE ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
>  SORRY TALL ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> _jeremy:_  
>  it’s fine lol.
> 
> _rich:_  
>  THANKS YOU OVERGROWN TWINK.

_“See, it’s fine,”_  Jeremy thinks at the Squip, and it’s like he can feel the glaring disapproval from it. Like it doesn’t even mind that Jeremy was being funny, it’s upset because he didn’t roll over and obey.

 _“Listen to me next time, Jeremy,”_  It says, and Jeremy feels embarrassed, somehow. Like a kid who was being scolded by their parents, and Jeremy is rarely ever scolded by his dad.

He spends the rest of the night sort of meandering the internet,

(Not porn, unfortunately. The Squip is very adamant about that point.)

and he falls asleep on his stomach around 10:00pm. So far, the road to coolness is a little rocky.

* * *

 

Upon waking up, Jeremy notices several texts from midnight onward.

>   _rich:_  
>  JUST REREAD YOUR RESPONSE AND FELT THE NEED TO TELL YOU THAT IT WAS FUNNY!!!!!!!!!  
>  HAVE A GOOD NIGHT NOODLE BOY.  
>  ALSO DON’T LOOK AT THOSE PHOTOS OF MY DICK AGAIN.  
>  OR DO  
>  ITS YOUR DECESION  
>  NO HOMO!!!!!!!!!!  
>  I MEAN, NOT THAT THERES ANJYTHING GAY ABOUT APPRECIATEING YOUR BROS JACKED, OILED BODY,  
>  BUT THIS IS MY PENIS.  
>  I SUPPOSE YOU CAN APPRECIATE MY PENIS IF YOU WANT BUT ITS A LITTLE GAY IF YOU ASK ME.  
>  NOT THAT IM JUDGING  
>  WHATEVER YOU GET UP TO IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS.  
>  UNLESS IT INVOLVES MY PENIS I GUESS,  
>  BUT I’M ALL ABOUT FREE LOVE, FREE PENIS APPRECIATUION.  
>  MY SQUIP IS TELKLING ME TO STOP SO I WILL  
>  NIGHT LOSER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Needless to say, Jeremy finds it hilarious. It’s a good thing to wake up to. Even his Squip seems relieved that Rich hasn’t suddenly turned on Jeremy due to the Great Dick Pic Tragedy of 2015.

* * *

_2\. IN WHICH JEREMY TEXTS RICH WHILE HE’S HIGH._

> _jeremy:  
>  _ i think the tiger from zootopia was kind of hot.

Rich has been staring at this message for the last few minutes or so, or, well, he’s been looking at the notification for it, unsure of whether or not to proceed.

It seems he’s been lying in bed, thinking about life, and somehow, someway, the universe has decided to allow Jeremy Heere to text him about the tiger from Zootopia.

> _jeremy:_  
>  michael you have been in the bathroom way too long what the fuck.  
>  michael please get out of the bathroom.  
>  MICHAEL do you think they asked shakira what she wanted her fursona to be when they were filming the movie  
>  FUCK michael i’m asking the hard hitting questions here.  
>  michael please.  
>  oh shit.

The Squip says,  _“You really have to meet better people,”_  but never in his life has Rich been more entertained. This is better than when Jake got his head stuck in the railing by his own stairs.

He’s in the middle of typing a response that both begs the question of why Jeremy is contemplating the attractiveness of  _Zootopia_  characters and how he could accidentally send a message to Rich instead of Michael.

> _jeremy:_  
>  i have realized, upon further investigation,  
>  that this is not michael.  
>  you have to understand i am under the influence of heavy marijuana and also am not a furry.  
>  rich please  
>  rich answer me  
>  richard goranski i’m begging you.

Rich is choking on his own laughter at this point. Oh God. If his Squip could sigh with disappointment it would. He quickly types into 

 

> _rich:_  
>  SMASH OR PASS: BOWSER.

He waits a few glorious moments for Jeremy to respond, and part of him expects him to shrug off the question but not ten seconds later his phone buzzes.

 

> _jeremy:_  
>  smash  
>  that’s too easy  
>  next.
> 
> _rich:_  
>  SMASH OR PASS: SONIC THE HEDGEHOG
> 
> _jeremy:_  
>  pass there’s only one sonic character whom i have a sexual fixation on,  
>  wait.  
>  two.

Who? Who are the  _Sonic the Hedgehog_ characters that Jeremy would have sex with? Rich has to know, now.

He’s beginning to type again when another text bubble from Jeremy pops up.

> _jeremy:_  
>  i have one  
>  smash or pass: sidon
> 
> _rich:_  
>  WHO?
> 
> _jeremy:_  
>  “who?” he says, like some kind of monster who doesn’t know who sidon is.  
>  the shark man from breath of the wild.
> 
> _rich:_  
>  WHO?!
> 
> _jeremy:_  
>  google ‘sidon botw’ and get back to me.

Rich does so, and the Squip makes a snide comment about how if he listened to it that easily, he’d be doing better right now. Rich knows.

Oh. Huh.

> _rich:_  
>  …  
>  SMASH, BUT NOT IN A FURRY WAY OR ANYTHING.
> 
> _jeremy:_  
>  same!!!!!!!!

Rich laughs his ass off.

> _jeremy:_  
>  not in a gay way either, i guess.  
>  just a bros appreciating other hot, sea-dwelling bros way
> 
> _rich:_  
>  YEAH!!!!  
>  NO HOMO BRO
> 
> _jeremy:_  
>  no homo indeed.

Okay. One more question.

> _rich:_  
>  IF YOU WERE A FURRY

”If.”

> _rich:_  
>  WHAT WOULD YOUR FURSONA BE?

Jeremy replies with a photo of a dolphin and Rich, who has spent the last two years under crushing pressure to climb his way to the top of an abyssal high school atmosphere, laughs for the longest time in forever.

It’s a very real, very genuine laugh. The kind that makes your stomach hurt and your insides detest you.

And then his Squip says,  _“You have a crush on Jeremy,”_  and the laughter is over.

* * *

_3\. in which rich sends texts that are probably meant for jake._

> _rich:_  
>  JAKE  
>  JAKEY  
>  JAKEY D  
>  JAKE DILLINGER  
>  JAKE  
>  ANSWER ME

Jeremy is kind of burnt out right now. He just watches the notifications gather on his phone.

> _rich:_  
>  I THINK  
>  I KNOW STUFF  
>  ABOUT ME  
>  AND I DONT KNOW WHO TO TELL

The Squip tells Jeremy not to worry about it. Rich will come to the realization on his own. Jeremy listens.

> _rich:_  
>  JAKE PLEASE  
>  I KNOW YOU DONT GET IT BUT  
>  COME ON

Jeremy lies in bed in his Eminem shirt that he doesn’t really like and waits for Rich to realize.

> _rich:_  
>  OH  
>  SORRY J DOG  
>  JERRY  
>  JEREMY  
>  JEREMIAH HEERE  
>  TALL ASS  
>  IM TRYING TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD FOR WHEN YOU SEE THESE MESSAGES  
>  IM FINE IM ALL GOOD  
>  THANKS  
>  HAVE A GOOD DAY.

Jeremy lies in bed and stares at the ceiling and suddenly it occurs to him in a roaring flood to be worried about Rich and  _fuck_  did something happen to Rich? Oh man, oh boy.

 _“You like Richard Goranski.”_  The Squip suggests, and Jeremy calls it a liar and it says,  _“I’m a supercomputer. I have no interest in lying to you, Jeremy.”_

It pauses.

_“Or at least, I have no interest in lying to you about this matter.”_

* * *

_4\. IN WHICH RICH IS GETTING TEXT MESSAGES ALL THE TIME, CONSTANTLY, AND THERE’S ONLY ONE THAT HE BOTHERS ANSWERING._

See, the thing about setting fires in other people’s houses is that, and you may want to remember this for future reference, everybody and their mother wants to text you. Luckily, the hospital doesn’t allow phone usage by patients, so Rich has got every reason not to answer.

When he does get his phone back, there are too many notifications to count, but there are at least twenty from Jeremy, which is odd. Rich scrolls through the latest ones.

> _jeremy:_  
>  tfw you’re best friends with the last surviving owner of mountain dew red am i right?  
>  i’ll be completely transparent, i’m like 90% sure i did really asinine stuff when i was squipped but uh.  
>  yeah.  
>  idk i just hmmmm miss you?  
>  i don’t think my squip would allow me to say that i’m not thinking clearly.  
>  but you know.  
>  yeah  
>  you aren’t responding but i’m assuming you know.

And those are all meant for Rich, and they make the weight on his chest disappear for a few blissful seconds.

See, while he was in the cast, in the hospital, he spoke to Jeremy. The conversation was sort of light and breezy and not at all a love confession of any sort, even if Rich wanted it to be, which is why he gets all the more surprised as he scrolls up.

> _jeremy:_  
>  so uh.  
>  i am BELLIGERANTLY drunk right now  
>  i feel like i spelled that wrong  
>  but anyway, my squip isn’t screaming at me so it’s safe to say that hmmm i like you?  
>  in a friendship fashion  
>  and  
>  in a romantic fashion  
>  and perhaps a sexual one  
>  you’re no tony the tiger but you know

Rich laughs so hard his chest hurts and he kind of spits on himself a little, in the most civilized way possible.

Jeremy likes him, and Rich isn’t even sure if he knows who he is completely, but Jeremy likes him and it’s wonderful and flattering and perfect and really fucking gay, but he’s sort of come to terms with the bisexuality.

> _rich:_  
>  NEW PHONE WHO IS THIS?  
>  ALSO GUESS WHAT DORKUS I LIKE YOU TOO.

* * *

  _5\. in which everything is mostly the same / YET COMPLETELY DIFFERENT._

> _rich:_  
>  SEXTING: YAY OR NAY?
> 
> _jeremy:_  
>  if this is you contemplating whether or not to send me your sweatpants boner then nay.
> 
> _rich:_  
>  STAY WITH ME HERE JEREMY, I NEED TO SEND YOU ONE NUDE  
>  A SINGULAR PENILE PHOTOGRAPH
> 
> _jeremy:_  
>  richard i swear to god if you send me a bad nude i am going to physically exit your phone and kill you.

Richard goes through his camera roll quickly, sending a dick pic from a few months ago.

> _rich:_  
>  ITS THE FIRST ONE I SENT YOU BY ACCIDENT  
>  THE ONE THAT STARTED IT ALL  
>  <3

**Author's Note:**

> let the record show not only did my boyfriend encourage me to write this shit but two of my best friends did too so if you want to blame this atrocity on someone let it be them.


End file.
